I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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