So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
