i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
