anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
