Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
