nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have already put on my inside pants.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
