is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
