Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
