Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
