I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There r osticjed everywhere
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
