wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
