Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
