Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
