when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
