I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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