My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
