on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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