sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
