Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
