You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
