he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
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Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
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Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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