I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
