people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm really busy with my period
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