I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude i'm inner monologue high
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
