and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
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Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
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Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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