time to smoke my breakfast
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
