you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Houston, we have a blender
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
