it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
