A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
