Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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