i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
