It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
