tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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