nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
