I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
