Don't you send me to vm
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
