This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
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let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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