I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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