I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
