That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
