hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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