I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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