were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
