she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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