I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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