iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
