it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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