I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
