Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
