i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
