It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
