that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
