Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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