fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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