yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
