i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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