booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
