i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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