In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
