Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
